During 12 years of marriage, I never had to choose my battles. There wasn’t anything I wanted to fight about, but that wasn’t a good thing. The sh*t finally hit the fan in 2012 and our marriage almost ended. All because I never fought for the important things. I’ve learned so much about my relationship with my husband in the last 3 1/2 years due to an ernormous amount of talking (and fighting) and I believe we have come to a mutual understanding about many issues.
This is now my favourite LAUGHABLE issue:
Chewed or ripped off toenails left on different surfaces of my house. And it’s not just me! Look at all these memes about toenail clippings! Looking at that collage of toenails I can’t help but giggle. I really do. I giggle. My new thing is to take a picture of the evidence when I find it and text it to my honey. This morning’s text conversation was quite funny:
For those of you who can’t understand his texting, here’s a translation: “I forgot last night (to pick them up). That big one hurt. It was too short.” And I love “pour”. Bahaha.
The texting even became a little dirty… If you can get past the bad grammar/spelling (on his part), you can see that I wasn’t pointing the finger or angry. I made light of it.
I’m the grammar nazi, neat freak, OCD’er, everything in it’s place kind of person and he’s not. I’ve learned that he doesn’t leave the nails there on purpose to piss me off. He ripped them off while watching TV and then forgot about them before we went to bed. There are other things too, like the wet towels and bathing suits collecting in front of the sliding glass door and the dirty laundry beside the laundry basket instead of in it… I grumble to myself, but tidy it up because that’s what I do. I know there are way worse things that we can fight about.
I’m sure your man has quirks or habits that make you livid. Are they a constant battle? Ask yourself these questions:
- Does the issue piss you off or is it a personal challenge? Are you physically and emotionally maddened by the issue? Why? Is it a question of respect? “I try to keep my house clean and he just doesn’t seem to care!” It’s not that he doesn’t care, you just have the type of man who only thinks about one thing at a time and may well always be like that.
- Will fighting result in change? If everytime you mention the issue it turns into a fight and it keeps happening, despite the fights…it’s never going to stop. Can you live with that?
- In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter? Is it a make you or break you kind of thing? Does it have serious, long-term implications? Gross toenails vs an unfaithful man? What can you personally live with?
If you don’t know how to choose your battles wisely and can’t communicate effectively with your spouse, it may be a good idea to seek marriage counseling.
“Choose your battles wisely. After all, life isn’t measured by how many times you stood up to fight. It’s not winning battles that makes you happy, but it’s how many times you turned away and chose to look into a better direction. Life is too short to spend it on warring. Fight only the most, most, most important ones, let the rest go.” ~ C. JoyBell C.
This is a good blog post about choosing your battles: http://personalexcellence.co/blog/choose-your-battles/
By the way, I realize that I missed Day 12 and Day13… I’m trying my best here!