In Book II, The Research Data, Colleen doesn’t have casual sex talk with her ‘samples’ before she goes home with them. It definitely would’ve helped with her choices and maybe she wouldn’t have experienced some of the disappointments that she did.
It’s true, a woman doesn’t know what to expect anymore when she picks up a guy and goes home with him.
There was a big hoopla in Windsor, Ontario recently because Daryush Valizadeh who leads a group called Return of Kings was scheduled to hold a rally. This man actually advises men on the best way to convince women to have sex with them and believes that rape should be legalized on private property. Thanfully, he cancelled it because he could “no longer guarantee the safety or privacy of the men who want to attend”. (The Windsor Star) The scary part is that my 14-year-old daughter knew about it and was told to stay indoors that night.
Further, Real Social Dynamics (RSD), is a group of pick-up artists that actually teach men to ‘choke women’ and call them ‘deadbeat whores’ as methods of seduction. They encourage the use of violence, such as choking, as a method for ‘picking up’ women. Basically, they teach men “strategies of sexual assault”. (Bianca Fileborn)
To avoid these types of experiences an ethical approach to sex and sexual consent must be taken. But how do you have casual sex talk before you even have it with someone you just met, find attractive and flirt with? I’m all for casual sex, but isn’t that awkward?
Forget the pick-up lines-here’s how to talk about your sexual desires and boundaries, outlines strategies that involve:
- Discussing your sexual likes and dislikes with a partner. For example, “which sexual activities do you find most pleasurable?”
- Asking if it is OK to proceed with a sexual activity with a partner and respecting their response. For example, “would you like to do X?”
- Paying attention to all of the signals a sexual partner is giving, including verbal responses and body language
- Stopping and checking in if a partner gives any sign that they are not comfortable with what is happening
- Never making assumptions about what a sexual partner is thinking or feeling
- Having a conversation about safer sex practices.
It’s a woman’s right to negotiate sex and should be able to stop it, if it is not meeting her needs or becomes dangerous. Sex is no more a right than a paycheck. Everyone has the ability to get it, you’re lucky if you get more than others, but no one can be forced to receive it and you can get it somewhere else if you don’t like it.