In an advice column, run by Jeremy Baer and clinical psychologist Dr. Margarita Holmes in Rappler’s Life and Style section, a woman wonders if casual sex is turning her into a slut.
In Book I of The Research Project, Colleen has the same issues with casual sex, but learns that it’s not about what people think about her that she should care about, it’s how she regards her own lifestyle.
“I have no desire to love the guy I’m fucking. I don’t exchange information with him or go out on a date, and I don’t want to see him again,” Christine says.
“You have a different brain than most women,” I mutter. I alphabetize the psychology magazines on my desk and stack them, lining up their spines. “Most women hook up with men to eventually find someone to marry. It’s our evolutionary drive.”
She laughs. “Not me. I’m in constant pursuit of pleasure, not settling down. If I hooked up with a guy thinking that I wanted to find a life partner, then I would probably be in a relationship.”
I pause to think. “I think I understand you. By changing a small factor in the way that I think, the outcome will be different.” Could it be that easy? “If I believe that casual sex will help me get experience, then I’ll be able to participate and benefit from it.”
“Right on, Ms. Psychologist! But try not to be so scientific. Go on your date with an open mind. If something happens, trust your instincts. Live in the moment. And don’t feel guilty for getting lost in the experience,” she coaxes. “You have needs too.”
The advice columnists are bang on: “Perhaps you should try to clarify in your own mind by what standards you judge yourself and decide whether they are the ones you really wish to live your life by.” Kudos Jeremy Baer!
“the question if the dark side you refer to is really something to be hidden because it is shameful and unacceptable or if it is merely behavior that your upbringing and/or society have labeled as such and you have uncritically accepted.” Well done, @!